Intro to the Molestation of the American Television Programs

Dearest Debutants,

I’ve debated when to begin this series of commentary regarding a poison that is perverting the American way of life. Well, my delectable designation of debutants, today is the day. This toxin has infiltrated every cell of the human petri dish of society and caused an astronomical amount of damage to the culture of the average national citizen. Yes, my friends, I am in deed talking about the horrific source of misinformation; Public Television (gasp!!!)

Since it’s inception in 1929, the television (or T.V to those less than intellectually equipped) has been a source of information that allows the viewer to expend less energy than other information sources to receive said content. For those that have motivational skills in the way of the three-toed-sloth, this invention was a gift greater than ambrosia. To be entertained without having to mobilize ones gluteal mass was not a creation for convenience, it was a launch into the land of laziness. Quickly following this product was its illegitimate child; the remote control. This trundle of terror virtually guaranteed the owner would proportionally decrease his IQ while increasing his central circumference on a weekly and most often daily basis.

If only for the physical and mental consequences of this cube of curses I would not be so deeply frustrated. However, the current crop of prime time programs have as much substance and cerebral stimulation as Paris Hilton at a spelling bee. Really, folks, I dare you to find ONE single program that is worth the electrons that it is using to spew forth it’s pathetic content. In this series that I call “The Molestation of the American Television Programs” I will systematically evaluate the most popular shows on television today and in a non-biased format present the evidence-based findings. I hope that you all read this series with an open mind and should you find that I evaluate one of your “shows” in a less than desirable light, I ask that you ask yourself, “if I were a Higgins, would I be watching this?”

I hope you enjoy this upcoming series because if you don’t, you could become “Un-Higgins worthy.”

All television is educational television. The question is: what is it teaching? - Nicholas Johnson former FCC Commissioner

If prime time television is really supposed to be the prime content, why do they call the last stuff late-night programs? They should call the prime time era the “shows-on-during-dinner-so-you-have-to-eat-on-the-couch-and-get-spaghetti-all-over-the-cushions” time slot. That makes good Higgins sense. – E.R. Higgins 2010